Judgement Day

Our family is marking a milestone in our lives.  It is truly life-altering change.  This change is the culmination of hundreds of conversations between me and my husband, immense amounts of number crunching, countless prayers for guidance (I would actually call it all-out begging for clear a path to be laid at our feet), and one enormous decision.

In reality, I know for a fact that it is a Judgement Day of sorts in my life.

I am being judged by my family, by my friends and by my co-workers. Some are shocked, some are blind-sided, some are supportive, some are rejoicing, and some think we have lost our collective minds.

I resigned from IBM.

After four years of undergraduate studies, two years of work, two years of graduate studies, and eight and a half MORE years of work, I have decided on a different path.

What does that mean?

I quit getting a paycheck twice a month.  I quit interfacing with some of the nicest and most intelligent people I've ever known (and of course some of the opposite).  I decline getting involved in some inspiring and interesting projects (and of course some of the opposite). 

I also quit the nonsense of performance reviews.  I quit managing 23 people in 7 countries.  I quit having meetings at 7:00am and 11:00pm.  I quit being on a leadership path on which I saw more titles but also exponentially more work and time away from home.

In addition, I quit having to put my family aside because my job demanded more from me (which, admittedly, is partially my own drive to achieve).  I quit having to figure out what to do with my son on his school break.  I quit dropping my daughter off at day-care each morning and hoping that she doesn't cry...again.  I quit wondering who I could ask to carpool to soccer practice just in case I had a meeting that ran late at work. 

I quit.  (Insert a big sigh here....sigh of relief? sign of exhaustion? just a sigh?  I'm not sure.)

It has been a struggle for me because I am sensitive to what others may think about this decision that we have made.  I have been extremely emotional (not a surprise for those that know me well) trying to communicate why I am doing this.  But you know what?  It doesn't matter.  This is the right thing to do for our kids.  This is the most positive thing that I could do for my relationship with my husband.  This is what is best for our family.  And this is what is best for me. 

So on this Judgement Day, I say this...

I have now freed up a huge amount of my time to embrace my *real* full-time job.  Let's be honest here - I have always said that my first responsiblity was to my family and upon that I choose to work outside the home.  Being at home full time will be a journey of daily people development, daily miraculous calendaring, daily spiritual nurturing, daily performance reviews,  daily struggles and daily wins.

This is one mommy who thinks that, although I am stepping out of the corporate world, I will find many parallels in the things I will do for my family.  The only difference is that I will be paid in hugs and kisses instead of dollars, and the legacy I leave will be solely in the form of my children and not my business results. It's taken me a really long time to realize that I am ok with that....and I am.